Starring the legendary Tae-Bo black belt master Stephen Seagull as retired [insert military/law enforcement role with a mysterious past] Luigi Rico, who just wants to live a peaceful life eating microwaved Salisbury steaks and staring at surveillance monitors. But when his daughter Sarah is kidnapped by the nefarious [insert generic Eastern European criminal syndicate or shadowy rogue agency], Rico is forced to break every bone in the book. Armed with a limited range of hand movements and muttered one-liners, Rico's stunt double will devastate wave after wave of henchmen in dimly lit warehouses, ending with a final showdown where he barely breaks a sweat. Because when hell freezes over, you can bet Stephen Seagull is already there. Beep. Boop.
